a few peeks at the craziness I live and love in- the sheets I get kissed on, the closet I dream in, the floor I sit cross legged on while doing sociology homework, the desk my friend always rolls joints on- what I see every morning and if I make it home, every night

( patterns, patterns, everywhere )

So recently I have been acquiring things here and there to get ready for fall. I got some things I especially like this week, so I thought I would share them. I still have a GIANT list of things I really really really want for fall, but I think I am off to a good start! Starting at a new school has me thinking a deserve a lot of back to school clothes. Uh oh.



( To see the whole lot... clicky clicky )

Never when I chose this username did I think it would actually describe my life to the extent it does. In the past 3 years I have moved between California and Georgia 3 times. This last move home, number 4, is my last move for quite some time I hope. I am unstable and spontaneous and I try my hardest to get everything I want. Of course, that everything is sometimes far away or nearly impossible, so I end up in ridiculous situations and locations. For my newest apartment I had to fill out an extensive application. Instead of listing ALL my addresses in San Francisco and Savannah I opted to state that I had never lived on my own and have always lived with my parents. It made things SO much easier. It was like I shed a few pounds of baggage just by leaving a few spaces blank.

That is sort of my plan for the next few months.. leaving spaces blank. I have been through a load of nonsense and shit and for now I am choosing the blank it out. The less of it I hold on to, the more space I have for (hopefully!) sensible and fabulous things. I'm not going to block all of it out, but I really need to focus on now now now.

My bedroom in my new apartment has a view of the ocean and a private balcony. I am starting at a new college on August 31st. I'm not in looove with my new housemate, but eh, whatever. My parents are supporting me in pretty much everything. Pretty sweet, right? Too bad I feel the least motivated I have ever felt. Leaving the house is a chore. When I am out, I just think about getting back home to my schedule of doing nothing. I hope I break free of this fog once school starts. Its honestly dibilitating... I better break free of this!

How are all of you, if anyone even still follows me? I am coming back from the dead, hopefully for good.

Xx

I am moving back to Savannah, Georgia on Tuesday.

I have finally fallen completely into an awful depressive rut. Maybe it is because I was supposed to be getting married this exact month but no longer am. Maybe its because I am starting to slowly lose my best friend to his girlfriend. It might be my lack of real friends and the often mental abcense of the ones I even have. What really sealed the depressive deal was my order getting lost tonight at the crepe shop and having to wait 20 minutes before calling to their attention I still hadn't gotten my mango milkshake with extra tapioca. I waited outside for 20 minutes, alone, with the dog. I almost thought they were just really busy- it is a Friday night afterall- but when I spoke with them it turns out my order slip had just gotten lost under a pile of other ones. I swear I almost cried right there in China town amongst all the happy, crepe eating teenagers. That is exactly what I am, lost and forgotten under a pile of other things.

I am ready to leave the city and return to something else. Savannah again maybe, or just somewhere in the south. Is it possible to want to return to somewhere you have never been? I am a small town girl born into a big city and I want to return to where I should have come from, where I am from mentally.

11:32 on a Friday night in San Francisco and I am going to bed.

Moved to upper market
Bought a vintage road bike
Fell off such bike downtown and got a concussion
Bought a bike helmet
Got sober (again...)
Bought new furniture
Started a head scarf collection
Had a profound Spiritual Experience
Gone entirely vegan
Lost a few friends
Gained way more friends
Stopped letting boys use me
Stopped using boys
Bought 167 issues of "Art News" from 1945-1967
Received 200 free issues of The New Yorker to add to my collection
Gotten a black eye
Gotten a blackberry and used it to its full potential
Started riding my bike everywhere
Started to like myself, just a little
Changed all sorts of meds
Been of service to others
Started a healthy relationship with my parents

I'm back in CA (for good, who knows? but it is so great to be home). I just got a place last night in SF (n.beach) thats only a few blocks from the marina and the cable car stops only a block away and goes right to my work! so so so excited. trader joes is down the street as is a word market and a million other stores. perfect location as I am in a group that meets at the marina sunday nights. 

I'm taking a sabbatical from school and getting my shit together. and its a lot of shit to get together. I am sick of relying on people around me to make my life work when I really just need to get it working on my own. Granted my parents are paying my rent that I could never afford, it won't be forever and day by day I will make it happen. I don't think I have been this positive in a long time. Maybe I am just on an upswing and I will soon come down. Even if that is the case I will be coming off it in a gorgeous neighborhood with a fantastic job that requires me to wear fabulous clothes everyday. 

No more boyfriends who I only like when I am fucked up. No more drinking till I hit the floor and don't even feel it. No more lying and cheating that only fools myself (and 100's around me) that things are ok. I think I have to do this to stay alive. I know I do. It was getting close.

 DETAILS

I had ice water, he had coke
killer little coffee place with local art plastering the walls
we talked tattoos, partying, friends, writing (uh he writes too.. HOT!), family pets, roommates, cars, EVERYTHING
I think we both got that feeling in your stomach where it is all warm
he is mega tall, makes me feel all loveley and safe
tonight went well .. amazing... I am on the drunker side

LOVE YOUS

So the secret crush? found out his name this morning, found him on facebook, requested him as a friend and attatched a note: "I have a secret crush on you."

 HELLO BBs!

The fall is going amazing. I definetly have two hot teachers that I have major professor crushes on. If only they didnt talk about their children so much....
I feel like I have been doing so much but really its just beer pong, short dresses, paint on my legs, cuts from skim boarding, deep tan lines, southern storms, stoning before class, drooling over profs., having a secret crush on a boy who's name I dont even know (and having a maybe crush on a boy I am spending a whole lot of time under the sheets with), pudding cups, writing a memoir, and hmm more crushes? I have the heart of a 10 year old right now, and I love it.

Everyone tell me how their world is.. I feel lost!
And about the memoir, its pretty intense but I will chop some parts up to put on here asap

and for you non-readers..
.
me and the baby georgieee

Selling my Gucci Messenger style bag I picked up last winter in Madrid, Spain. Barely used, immaculate condition. My digi is broken but I can find a way to get picks up if you are for real interested! My bag has cream leather trim and perforated leather, this one is brown. mine is not brown! asking 350 obo!

I'm still wearing my ring around my neck, I don't even know why.

Today I rode to the grocery and picked up some apples, milk, pretzels, and popcorn. It is incredibly warm here but the bike ride felt nice, even if it did leave me a litle damp. Yesterday I just floated in the atlantic all afternoon and tried to feel peaceful, but I must say it barely worked. I suppose I will try again this afternoon.

A major update
I am back in Savannah (wow, southern heat, break out the sweet tea!) after spending a little while back in San Francisco visiting with my parents. We moved into a new house which was very hard for me because I had spent my whole life in our other home; but it is still a very lovely home and my mom is having a blast buying all new furniture etc,.
I am no longer engaged ( too complicated to say it all) but we are still boyfriend and girlfriend. It is a huge change of emotion to go from thinking you are getting married, fitting your dress, picking flowers, to just plain dating again. Its been about a month since we broke it off but all these things are just starting to hit me. I am back at our loft by myself, we arent living together anymore. We got lost in each other, it was always WE, never just myself and himself. I have been working on getting my identity back. Its hard to backtrack like this but I have faith that in the future this will all right itself. My mom is coming down to visit next week and we are getting full spa treatments which I am very looking forward to. Then we are heading down to our place in naples, fl and also visit my grandpapa and my favorite uncle. Hopefully it will be quite a nice little holiday, and although I am not working or really doing anything, I feel like I need a break from getting my life in order. Lots to say but a long read already. I will post some pictures this afternoon. For now though its the dog park at the beach for me and george!

Also I have been sober 10+ months. it will be 11 on the 24th. And I Love It.

previously Elizabethie1

I'm in love on both coasts